What better way to kick-off Glenn’s Thanksgiving vacation than with six stories that may make you HEAD EXPLODE?! In this clip, Glenn shares 6 recent, news stories — like the teacher union’s new pronoun guide, the UN complaining about Nigerians, and a new California program that pays people for being transgender — as part of a ‘clown news alert.’ Which one is the most absurd to YOU?!
TranscriptBelow is a rush transcript that may contain errors
GLENN: We have a full-fledged clown alert. Clown alert going on. Stu, we don't have time for -- okay. So let's look at some of the stories today, that would have made my head explode, but I'm so far beyond that.
Here's a headline from Fox News. MSNBC anchor slammed for complaining House Democrats never investigating the Trump family.
I'm just saying. Well, look at the cute little car, and all the MSNBC people coming out. The, I guess it's maybe Hassan Show. Didn't do this. They didn't do this for the Trump family. Meti, which is -- I'm going to say ze, zer, which could be her or him.
I don't know. Nobody watches MSNBC. Isn't that weird? It's like this weird experiment. If we put all this money into producing something, and nobody watches it, how long can we do that?
It's a neat experience. CNN has been doing that one for a while. And that experiment is about to come to a conclusion. Anyway, be as mad as you like about House Republicans kicking off any day, one day after winning the House with a massive investigation to the Biden family. But ask yourself why Democrats didn't do this for the Trump family. Yeah.
Oh. Ask yourself on the day that Pelosi is retiring, by the way. Oh. Okay.
I've got a note from the teacher's union. It is a pronoun guide.
GLENN: This is why I knew about the pronouns for MSNBC. The national -- the National Education Association's pronoun guide, reviewed by the Washington Examiner, directs members on how to use various preferred pronouns to grow accustomed to include one's pronouns and name tags, while introducing one's self to colleagues. The pronoun guide says it's been made available for members of the teacher's union. And it is made to have staff better understand the use of pronouns, in a respectful way for all NEA meetings and communications. In English, this is according to the guide, in English, we have two sets of generated pronouns. She/her/hers. He/him/his. Oh, that is great. They're still teaching this stuff.
However, those are attached to a particular gender. Now, I didn't know that. Did you know that?
STU: A particular gender? Wow. No. I didn't know that.
GLENN: Like she/her/hers would go to somebody that would self-identify she's a woman.
STU: Right. That's the only way you would know she was a woman.
GLENN: Only way you would know. We all likely, this is according to the teachers union, all likely assume we knew someone's pronouns just by looking at them.
STU: Oh, that's so silly. What a silly concept.
GLENN: Okay. Knowing their gender. But that isn't the case. In an effort to be more affirming to all. It's important as teachers to get out of the habit of assuming pronouns. So they have a table graphic, that separates different pronouns from their respective case, to inform the reader how to use them in a sentence properly. The first three lines from the graphic provide a guide for he/she/they pronouns, but the final line is a guide for using ze/zim/zir/zirself.
STU: Zirself. I did not --
GLENN: Uh-huh, yeah. Which doesn't help identify anyone.
GLENN: You have absolutely.
STU: Does no good for communication whatsoever, which is what the language is supposed to do.
GLENN: Here's another headline for you.
The UN complains the world has too many Nigerians. And who doesn't think that there are too many Nigerians. I don't know. That sounds a little racist. But, no. No. The UN fits entirely in that one clown car.
Which is very nice. Here's a Democrat, that has said, well, she's a scientist. It's Sheila Jackson Lee.
STU: Oh, gosh. Brilliant.
GLENN: Yeah. She said, there's a direct connection to slavery and the pandemic. No, that's -- no, there's no clown horn there. This is serious. I'm sorry. I don't know how this got into the stack of clown news. This is a serious thing.
I believe -- and I can prove it to you. I believe there's a direct -- you know, the 7 degrees of Kevin Bacon.
It's like, except with slavery, it's only 1 degree. Give me anything. Give me anything.
STU: Water faucets.
GLENN: Water faucets. Easy. Did slaves drink water?
Direct link to slavery. Every water faucet company should be paying reparations. Next.
GLENN: Please. Who is on the front of the oatmeal box?
The old lady man, Bush looking person. Colonial. Oppression. Slavery. Boom. And don't even get me started about breakfast cereals, foods. Pancakes.
Please. I think, you know. Next.
French baguette. You would think this one is hard. You would think that one would struggle to connect a French baguette.
STU: That's exactly what I was thinking. I was trying to come up with something specifically that was difficult to tie to slavery.
GLENN: No. This is very easy.
I told you earlier, that what his name? Pepé LePew. The guy who was on Hogan's Heroes. The French guy in the slave camp. I could take this apart 600 ways to Sunday.
First of all, what did white people do?
They built concentration camps. Then they did shows about concentration camps, with Hogan's Heroes.
Hogan's Heroes, they had one token black in that camp. One. Okay?
Token. Just like slaves. That man, in that show, who was on the show with a Frenchman. Who liked baguettes. Slavery.
STU: I -- I don't want to come up with another example.
GLENN: Because you don't want to be shown up.
STU: Sure. That's exactly what it is.
GLENN: Let me give you this one. Los Angeles county sheriff says the crash that injured 25 law enforcement recruits in southern Whittier, Wednesday morning, was not an accident.
Now, wait a minute. This is hard to believe in the first place. Someone would drive their car, intentionally, into a crowd of police recruits? In California?
No way. Well, shockingly, investigators went through an exhaustive interview process with everyone involved, with the video surveillance statements from the recruits. The physical evidence that they had, like I've got a broken leg. And what they got from the suspect themself. And they were able to form the opinion, that this was a deliberate act.
Now, they have no idea why. The driver was Nicholas Joseph Gutierrez. He's 22. He's charged with attempted murder of a peace officer. And other charges are pending.
But they gave him a bond of a ridiculous $2 million. And so he is -- well, he was also -- he had marijuana in the SUV. And he was intoxicated.
You know, but he drove directly into a group of 75 recruits.
And five of them are critically injured. Twenty-five of them were injured.
But they still have no motive. They still don't have any idea. And, of course, it was not politically or racially motivated.
Just want you to know that.
GLENN: We'll wait for details. I hope they figure that out.
STU: It's never -- it's never motivated that way.
GLENN: Well, the California police are on it. Okay?
STU: That's good to hear. California is on to a lot of things though. They have a great new program, we talked about it briefly yesterday, in San Francisco.
GLENN: Oh. Where you can -- if your gender --
STU: If you're transgendered, you can get on some sort of payroll with them --
STU: Yeah. And they'll pay you for being transgender.
$1,200 a month.
GLENN: My name is Betty, Stu! My name is now Betty.
STU: And if you happen to be a Glenn into a Betty, then you can get $1,200 a month, for the next 18 months.
GLENN: And you must admit, I'm the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
STU: And you are, believe me. You sure are.
GLENN: Oh. You haven't seen me all dolled up.
STU: Now, it might seem like a ridiculous program to some. But I decided to go through the actual application, because I was interested.
GLENN: Right, and that's when you see how really serious and well thought out it is. Right?
STU: Right. Uh-huh. Now, there are some options. You have to go through the application.
Let me -- this is pronouns. Glenn, I'll go through these with you. You just have to check all that apply. So you might have eight or ten of these.
GLENN: All that apply. Okay. All that apply, not just one. Got it.
STU: She/her/hers. He/him/his/, they/them/theirs, it/it/its. Co/co/cos.
GLENN: Hmm? Well, yeah. Of course.
STU: Zi, zim, zis.
STU: Ze, zer, zers. He/him/hirs. Hy/hym/hyrs.
GLENN: Wait. Wait. The ear one, I didn't -- and I feel a little bad. Because that makes me think of my ears, which I think are really bad. They're big. The earlobes are growing. It's the only part of the face and the nose that continue to grow. And thank you for pointing that out.
Now I'm really offended! I wish I had that power. You know in the Disney film? What was the one? Hercules?
I wish I -- remember when the guy could set his hair on fire. I wish I could do that.
Wouldn't that be great? Just -- so when you would say something like zirs, I would think ears. And you would know I'm pissed.
STU: By the way, I should point out, it's not ears. E-A-R-S, it's e --
GLENN: I didn't say it was. I said, it made me think of that. That's my truth, Stu.
STU: I'm sorry. That is your truth.
Or ma'am, or she. I don't know which one to say.
How about per/per/pers?
STU: Fey/fair/fairs. Ay/ay/ayrs. Tay/tare/tares.
GLENN: I like the way you say that.
STU: Va/var/vars. No pronouns.
GLENN: Oh, no. That one doesn't apply to me.
STU: That one doesn't apply to you.
So this is the guaranteed income for the transgendered people program.
GLENN: Okay. So if I identify as any or all of those, do I get more money from the state, if I identify as all of those?
STU: That's a good question. I don't know the answer to that.
GLENN: Do they investigate to see if I'm really --
STU: Definitely not.
Because how would you? These words don't mean anything?
GLENN: Do I have to live in California to get their taxpayer money?
STU: Yes. San Francisco. This is from the city of San Francisco. The guaranteed income for transgendered people, or gift, which is interesting.
Because it doesn't spell. It's gift. In reality it's GIFTP.
GLENN: Guaranteed income for transgender people. Okay.
STU: And they call it GIFTP. The GIFTP program, here are some things -- now, it goes to gender. There are several genders available, Glenn. For you to choose. I guess you could choose any or all of these. Let me give you some example. Gender creative.
GLENN: Well, that's me. I'm very creative.
STU: Gender outlaw.
GLENN: Yes. I live in the West.
STU: How about gray gender.
GLENN: Well, look at my hair.
STU: I don't know it means you're older. That guy kind of -- it's a gray area.
GLENN: Either works for me, works for me, Your Honor.
STU: Brother boy. Is that your gender, or would you consider yourself a brother boy?
GLENN: I would say, because we're in a transition as a society.
GLENN: I would still say there's a chance brother boy might be misinterpreted. So I'm going to say no.
STU: That's a good point, considering the context of earlier conversation today.
GLENN: Sister girl. I am absolutely -- look at me. Betty, I'm a sister girl.
STU: Now, when I look at you, what I see, mavericke.
Mavericke. It's like a fancy Tom Cruise. A mavericke.
GLENN: Oh, I like that.
STU: That's kind of you.
GLENN: I am. I'm a maverick. No, I'm a mavericke.
STU: I like that. How about this one. These are all real genders on the checklist. I'm not making these up.
GLENN: Okay. So if I identify as a mavericke. And you would say, yes, sir. You are a mavericke. And I would say, you bet. Give me my cash. Okay.
STU: How about stud?
STU: That's the one gender you're not.
GLENN: No. No.
STU: How about -- this is a real gender.
GLENN: Of course, it is.
STU: FTX. You can now identify as a failed cryptocurrency exchange. Which is --
GLENN: I think that one is an important gender that you mock right now. And now where is my horn. Thank you. Now you can do the other.
STU: She already did the other.
GLENN: No. Do it now.
STU: She already did it.
GLENN: We can edit it in post production. Do the damn -- that wasn't the same one. That's not the one I wanted.